If Anal Has Ever Hurt, You Didn't Do It Wrong. You Started on the Wrong Step.
Nobody tells beginners this: anal is a staircase, not a diving board. Everyone panics picturing the top step first. You never start there. You start at the bottom, one foot at a time, and you don't climb until the step you're on feels genuinely good.
The whole thing rests on two things: lube and patience. Miss either and it falls apart.
→ Step 1: Talk About It and Warm Up
Have the conversation with your clothes on — what you're curious about, what's off the table, and the rule that either of you can stop at any second. That's not a mood killer. It's foreplay. Then warm up. The more turned on you are before anything goes near the back door, the better the back door goes.
Read my guide to talking to your partner about anal
→ Step 2: Lube Is Non-Negotiable
The back door does not self-lubricate. Ever. Use a thick water-based gel, it stays put and turns drag into glide. More than you think. Then more than that. Feel any drag mid-play? Stop and reapply like it's your job.
→ Step 3: Start Small and Stay There
Your first toy should be a graduated set, three sizes that build on each other over weeks, not one night. Let the smallest plug feel genuinely boring before you climb. No prize for rushing, real cost to it. Tapered tip in, breathe out, let your body open on its own.
→ Step 4: Add Vibration
Once the smallest plug feels comfortable — not tolerated — vibration wakes up the entire ring of nerve endings around the opening. One of the most nerve-dense parts of the body. This is where anal stops being the thing you're trying and starts being the thing you want more of.
→ Step 5: Prostate Play
If you have a prostate and have never had it stimulated, there is an entire category of orgasm you haven't met. Deeper, fuller, more full-body than anything penile stimulation alone can give you.
👉 Read my full step-by-step anal training guide
👉 Read it on Substack
👉 Best positions for anal with her
The Staircase: One Toy Per Step
Lovehoney Discover Gel
- Thick water-based lube that stays put. Safe with every silicone toy here
- The foundation. Nothing works without this
at lovehoney.com
Firefly Glow-in-the-Dark Trainer Kit
- Three graduated plugs: start at the mini and climb when you're ready
- Yes, they actually glow in the dark. That goofiness matters — tension is the enemy
- Soft silicone, tapered tips, flared bases, waterproof
- The best $40 on-ramp for anyone who's nervous or new at Lovehoneycom.
We-Vibe Ditto+
- Vibrating plug with a slim flexible neck that stays put while you move
- Remote and app-controlled — hand it to a partner at dinner and see what happens
- Whisper-quiet, waterproof, 2-hour battery. At We-Vibe.Com
Mantric Prostate Massager: the entry point
- Curved firm shaft that presses the prostate instead of flexing away
- Textured perineum base for internal + external stimulation at once
- 7 modes, remote, travel lock. At Lovehoney.com.
Arcwave Perc: the one I'd hand almost anyone
- Dual motor: prostate + perineum at the same time
- Internal arm bends to your anatomy so it lands where your prostate actually is
- 4 intensities, 6 patterns, hands-free, waterproof. At We-Vibe.Com
We-Vibe Vector+: the top of the staircase
- Same dual stimulation plus remote and full app control
- Hands-off, long-distance, or hand it to a partner from across the room. At We-Vibe.Com
Shop Lovehoney — 15% off with code ANNETTE15
Shop We-Vibe — 15% off with code EXPLORES15
📢 A Quick Update — And Some Exciting News
As many of you know, YouTube removed my channel. That means my video episodes now live on my website at talksexwithannette.com — head there to watch, and subscribe on Substack so you never miss one.
Here's the silver lining nobody's talking about.
Without YouTube's content restrictions, I can finally teach the way I've always wanted to.
- No more dancing around the details.
- No more vague descriptions where you need step-by-step visuals.
- What you're getting now is unrestrained, detailed how-to content, real directions, real demonstrations, real education designed to actually change what happens in your bedroom starting tonight.
This is the version of my work I've been holding back for years. You're about to see what sex education looks like when nobody's censoring the educator.
Coming this week: Your full tutorial on DP: Double Penetration. Who it's for. Why it's on more people's lists than you'd think. And exactly how to do it — safely, comfortably, and in a way that makes everyone involved lose their minds.
👉 Subscribe on Substack so you don't miss it
