You Don’t Need Leather and a Whip to Be a Dom.
If the word “dom” makes you picture latex, a riding crop, and someone kneeling on a dungeon floor, you’re missing almost everything. Dominance isn’t one thing. It’s a whole spectrum, and some of the most dominant people you’ll ever meet never raise their voice or pick up a single toy.
This week I sat down with Amanda Dames, aka The Kink Consultant, a certified sexologist and former professional dominatrix, to break down every kind of dom. And whether you’ve been curious about power play for years or you just felt a little spark reading that first line, there’s a version of this that fits you.
💋 Watch or listen to the full interview.
💋 Read my guide.
What Type of Dom Are You (Or Are You Looking For)?
A Few Kinds You Might Recognize in Yourself:
→ The Soft Dom
Leads with praise, encouragement, and emotional insight instead of punishment. Think “I’m not angry, I’m disappointed,” not harshness. If you love being a safe space for someone to let go, this is probably you.
→ The Caregiver Dom
Nurtures and takes charge so their partner gets to surrender responsibility and just be taken care of. Despite the “daddy/mommy” label, it usually has nothing to do with age play. It’s about leading and holding someone.
→ The Pleasure Dom
Controls their partner’s pleasure and orgasms. Deciding whether, when, and how they get there. Edging, teasing, making them earn it. “I’m in charge of your orgasm, and make no mistake about it.”
→ The Primal Dom
Leads through instinct and physicality instead of headspace. Raw, animalistic, the “I want to feel taken” energy.
Most people blend a few of these rather than fitting one box. The real question isn’t which label is coolest. It’s what feels authentic to who you actually are.
💋 Find the full list here
🔑 Start Here: The Yes/No/Maybe List
Before you try any of this, this is the single best first step, and it works whether you’re deeply kinky or barely dipping a toe.
You each mark 107 kinks and limits as a yes, a no, or a maybe, then compare. It gets you talking, turns you on while you do it, and shows you exactly where you line up and what’s off the table. No guessing, no awkward cold conversation, no pressure.
👉 Grab my Yes/No/Maybe Checklist — 107 kinks and limits to rate together
🎁 Ready to Try It? Your Beginner Kit
Cuffing season is here, the nights are longer, and you’re inside more. It’s the perfect time to build your first play kit. Everything here is comfortable, releases fast, and is beginner-friendly enough to add a little spice to even a mostly vanilla sex life.
Bondage Boutique Stars 4-Piece Kit: the easiest all-in-one
Velcro cuffs, an adjustable ball gag with air holes, a blindfold, and a two-sided paddle (soft and thuddy on one side, stingy on the other). Everything you need in one box.
Soft Collar-to-Wrist Cuffseas: ease into restraint
Velvet-lined, quick-release, adjustable. Non-intimidating for total beginners, versatile enough to grow with you.
Tease Me Adjustable Nipple Clamps: the easiest yes
One of the simplest ways to add sensation to vanilla sex. Start light, and the real rush comes on release when blood floods back.
DOMINIX Leather Collar with Cock Ring: for your first taste of power play. If you’re a woman curious about trying femdom, this is the way in. Looks simple, seriously hot.
🛒 Shop Lovehoney.com — 15% off with code ANNETTE15
Start with one piece or dive all the way in. Either way, you’ve got a foundation you won’t outgrow.
Cheers,
Annette 💋
YouTube Channel Update
I am still fighting to get my channel back. The single most helpful thing you can do to support me is interact with my post on X and ask YouTube to reinstate my account. Like, share, and repost the plea below while tagging @teamyoutube. Thank you so much for your support!
